Feeling Defeated

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Somedays I feel like I have completely failed my baby. As much as I’ve tried and struggled along the way to breastfeed. I have failed. I feel bipolar at times for feeling so happy that we have a breastfeeding relationship. Then my emotions come crashing down when I start struggling to get the Lact-aid tube positioned just right for her to get milk as she is screaming. Sometimes it works fine and other times we end up crying together.
I’m just not ready to let go of our breastfeeding relationship and even though its not enough I am giving her breast milk and that is good for her. I pray in hopes for some sort of miracle and everydkay I am hopeful and thankful that I can offer some. 
My hubby is always very reassuring that I am not a failure when I cry about god giving us breast for our babies and mine don’t work but I cant overlook the fact that medically women who can not provide 100% of the milk needed by their babies are called lactation failures.
If I were to stop now I would be devastated. My baby nurses to sleep, for comfort, for naps, when we cuddle in bed. I just feel so overwhelmed and bad when I can’t get that tube right in her mouth or sometimes when I am rushing to get the Lact-aid ready for a feeding. Maybe using the Lact-aid would get easier and if I stop now I will never know. I have tons of thoughts running through my head

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One of the most overwhelming is thinking one day I might have a full supply. Its positive thinking but foolish as well because if in 2 and a half months I haven’t had a full supply I don’t think it will happen. I should be more grateful I know but some days are just though.

No one ever tells you how hard breastfeeding could be.

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2 thoughts on “Feeling Defeated

  1. I feel you. I so envy moms who can leave the house knowing they have everything their baby needs to eat right there with them. Or who can just pop the baby on their breast and the baby comes away full and content. I would give anything for that. But it’s not for me. I feel like I have so much compassion for moms who struggle with breast feeding and I guess that is one good thing to come out of this.

  2. Wow my reply never posted! Well I was gonna say that I also wish I didn’t need all the extra bells and whistles to be able to breastfeed but it is what it is. I am a very passionate person about anything that interest me at the time but I am also known to quit when things get hard or I get bored and breastfeeding is one of the only things I have truly stuck with and have worked so hard on. I have learned a lot from this experience and I know everything happens for a reason.

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